Get Poor Quick

If you fall for this trick, you deserve to have your information stolen. In related news, if you are worried your cash might be counterfit, mail it to me, and I will inspect it for free.

Guide to Super Bowl Proposition Bets

I love proposition bets. Maybe its because during the regular season I bet on 10 games a week, so I want to make a lot of bets during the Super Bowl. Maybe its because I suck at picking them, and I enjoy losing money. Either way, there are hundreds of proposition bets, so I’ve picked out a couple that I will be betting on. My advice is keep it low. I bet 5 bucks on each of these.

Cardinals 1st half points +17.5 vs Steelers full game points
I don’t see the Steelers scoring a ton of points, so I think this is a solid bet. Will I be brave enough to pick the Cards to cover the final score?? Find out Tuesday(ish)

LeBron James made 3s pick em vs Kurt Warner TD passes
LeBron is averaging 1.3 threes a game. Warner is averaging 2 TD’s a game. Hmm. I think LeBron gets 2 threes, Warner might match him, but I don’t see him throwing 3 touchdown’s against Pittsburgh. Take LeBron and a push is the worst case scenario.

Rasheed Wallace points and rebounds -2.5 vs Cardinals first downs
Rasheed is averaging 19.5. Cardinals had 15 vs Atlanta, 16 vs Carolina, and 21 vs Philly. I’m thinking Pittsburgh’s D is going to keep this number relatively low.

Steelers/Cardinals 2nd qtr points -1.5 vs Magic made 3pt FGs
The Magic broke the record for 3’s in a game last week, but they are only averaging 10 threes a game. The 2nd quarter is favorite for highest scoring quarter. Root for FG as the teams go into halftime.

Super Bowl MVP: Ben Roethlisberger +175
If you think the Steelers are going to win, I say this is a much better bet than Steelers -250 on the money line.

Steelers score 1st and win the game - Even money
Another bet that makes the Steelers moneyline look like a sucker bet.

Player's jersey # to score first: Under 38.5:
Just to remind you, Willie Parker is #39, Santonio Holmes is #10, Larry Fitzgerald is #11, Troy Polamalu is #43.

No Safety -1300
No OT -1100
The game will not be decided by exactly 3 points -600
Total number of players with a pass attempt over 2.5 +160
Somebody will try to do something tricky, right? The Cardinals had that throw back play against Philadelphia, and Anquan Boldin played quarterback in college.

Ben Roethlisberger passing yards -35.5 vs Pennsylvania College Points
I saw this bet on sportsbook.com, and I was so shocked I had to call them and get clarification. I found out that it is Penn State’s total points (against Michigan State) vs Roetlisberger. Ummm, this is the biggest no brainer I have EVER seen. Ever.
Penn State’s high score on the year is 89 points. Roethlisberger has gone under 125 yards 4 times. Roethlisberger’s over under for the Super Bowl is 230.5
*Update* As I was typing this I talked myself into making another bet on this one, and sportsbook had removed the bet. I’m guessing my $50 bet really moved the line.

The coin toss! Heads or Tails? The odds are only -101, so it’s better than red/black roulette.
Jeff Reed says “tails never fails.”

Feel free to leave your favorite proposition bet in the comments.

NFL Conference Championship Picks

There are only 3 games left, crack open your wallets, and get ready to make some money. I’m 5-3 in the playoffs (and technically, I bet on Baltimore both weeks even though I picked against them. That’s 7-1!!!).

I am 100% positive about my two picks this week, get ready to win a lot of money this week. To get my picks all you have to do is call 1-900-EASY MONEY. It’s only $49.99 a minute, and I stutter really bad so be prepared for a pretty large bill. Or you can just keep reading. Your choice.

EAGLES -4 @ Cardinals
I don’t know anybody that picked the Cardinals last week. Oh shit, I forgot, I picked them. This week HA! They don’t have a chance. They have been insanely lucky, and there luck ends Sunday.
Also, think about who they beat, the Falcons and the Panthers. Two almost identical teams – 1 shakey QB, 1 really good WR, 2 really good RBs, solid defense, and strong run game. Now think about Philly – they are almost the exact opposite. 1 great QB, 0 good WRs, 1 great RB, a great defense, and almost no run game. This is too easy.

Steelers -6 vs. Ravens
The defenses are a push, the Steelers have the better quarterback. I’ll take Willie Parker over all the Ravens RB. Plus, the Steelers have better WRs. The Ravens are much more stylish dressers, and they talk trash better, but the Steelers are at home. Pittsburgh should cover the six points.

*Bet of the week: Eagles/Steelers money line parlay. $10 to win $11.
The BuggyBowl is on.

Picking the Cotton Bowl

I meant to post this a little sooner than an hour before kick off, but better late than never. I have the absolute lock of the bowl season. Texas Tech -6 vs Ole Miss.

I think line actually might only be -4, but I'm saying -6 just to be safe. Texas Tech might win this game by 75 points. Seriously. Both Mike Leach and Houston Nutt are both crazy, but I think Leach's craziness is more productive. Ole Miss has overachieved all season, but they won't be able to beat Texas Tech. The Tech offense is just too good, and there is no way that Ole Miss will be able keep up with them.

This is a break the bank game. My 5 million star, can't lose pick of the millennium. When you place you bet, talk shit to your bookie. This one is money in the bank. Make the biggest bet of your life, it's infinitely safer than the stock market.

Me? I'm betting $55.

Picture from Every Day Should Be Saturday.

UPDATE (Jan 3 1:47 AM): Wow! I feel like a freaking moron. I'm just glad nobody is reading this because I would feel like a dumbass.

NFL Week 15 Early Picks

Each week I’ll be picking the NFL games against the spread. I’ll do one set of picks early in the week, and then later in the week, I’ll throw in a few comments and pick again with the adjusted lines. I will also be giving out my best bets and the occasional teaser or parlay.

Also, it would be disingenuous if I didn’t mention that I am a total badass when it comes to picking NFL games. I’ve been killing it this year, and I can only expect the trend to continue. Home team in CAPS, my picks in BOLD.

BEARS -3 Saints
Packers -1.5 JAGS
COLTS -16.5 Lions
Skins -6.5 BENGALS
FALCONS -2.5 Bucs
DOLPHINS -6.5 49ers
Seahawks -3 RAMS
JETS -7 Bills
Titans -3 TEXANS
RAVENS -2 Steelers
PANTHERS -7 Broncos
Chargers -5 CHIEFS
Vikings +3 CARDINALS
Patriots -7 RAIDERS
COWBOYS -3 Giants
EAGLES -14 Browns

What the hell?!?! 15 favorites and 1 underdog? Hey, I don’t make the lines, I just beat them. Although, I’m quite sure I’ll be changing my mind by Friday.
The early best bets are the Patriots, Titans, and Bears