The "Stimulus" Still Sucks

February 11, 2009: President Obama says that if his Stimulus package is passed, the CEO of Catepillar will rehire some of the 22,000 people that were laid off in January.

February 17, 2009: Obama signs the $787,000,000,000 stimulus package.

March 17, 2009: Catepillar announces they are cutting 2,400 more jobs.

Bad Experience at Work

Yesterday was an absolutely beautiful day. 65 degrees, light wind, and sunny. I noticed this as I was walking to my car on my lunch break. It was the first nice day in 5 months, and I really wanted to get some exercise. Unfortunately, I didn’t have work out clothes so I had to be extra miserable the rest of the day.

I decided I had to take advantage of the nice weather. So during my lunch break today, I changed clothes and went for a run. Unfortunately, I didn’t notice the weather wasn’t as nice as it was yesterday. When I walked outside I realized it was really cold. About 35 degrees and the wind was blowing like crazy. I had already changed clothes, so I decided to go ahead with the run. I don’t know how far I ran, but I now know it was too far. My guess is about 2 miles in about 15 minutes. Not impressive, I know, but I hadn’t exercised since before Thanksgiving, and it was really cold, and really windy, and I was under-dressed, and I’m a pussy.

So after the run, I made it back to the locker room feeling like total crap. I set in front of the locker for about 10 minutes trying not to throw up. Then another guy came in so I changed clothes and went back to my desk. I set at my desk for another 10 minutes and I kind of fell asleep and continued trying to not throw up. I needed something to drink so I walked to the break room to get some ice water. Somebody was cooking fish tacos in the microwave, and the smell literally made me taste vomit. I knew I had to go somewhere and take a quick nap or I wasn’t going to make it. I headed to the only place I knew I could be totally alone and uninterrupted – the bathroom. The seat wasn’t very comfortable, but it worked. I slept on the toilet for about 20 minutes with my head in my hands, it was great. As I was washing my hands I noticed I had a big mark on my forehead. While I was trying to sleep, I used my sweater to help pad my head, and it left an imprint of the sweater on my face.

I walked fast back to my desk looking down the whole time. Fortunately, I wasn’t bothered by anyone until I was no longer sick and my face was no longer imprinted. So, my bright idea to exercise on such a nice day turned out to leave me with one of the most miserable days I’ve ever had at work.
Is there a silver lining to my crappy day? I’m guessing when I go running tomorrow, I will be in better shape, and I shouldn’t have much trouble falling asleep tonight.

Damn Dirty Squirrels

We recently discovered squirrels in our attic, and it is miserable. They gnawed holes in the wall and squeezed in. They run around, fight, and scratch all day and night. They have destroyed the insulation, wrecked havoc on everything we store up there, and almost started an electrical fire. It is the worst early in the morning. Right when the sun comes up, the little devil bastards wake up and start going crazy. This wakes me up about two and half hours before I normally wake up. I then have to get out of bed and go bang on the attic door to get them to shut up.

After I failed at patching up the hole, we hired a professional. He was able to plug the holes, but there were still a couple squirrels lose inside the attic. We have a trap and he told us when we caught the squirrel, fill a trash can with water and put the whole cage in there to drown the squirrel.

These squirrels are the bane of my existence. They have cost me time, money, effort, blood, dignity, sweat, and sleep. I hate them with a passion, and yet I can’t kill them. Instead, I wrap the cage in a sheet to keep the squirrel calm. I put the cage in the back of my car, drive 15 miles away, cross over a river, and let the squirrel out in the woods.

Every time I hear those squirrels scratch and every time they wake me up in the early hours of the morning, I want to hit them over the head with a mallet cartoon style. Yet, when I come face to face with them, I just can’t come close to doing it.

I have two excuses.
1. We have a pet Chihuahua, and she looks remarkably similar to a squirrel. Every time I look at the squirrel, I see our dog.
2. Those damn squirrels are cute. Honestly. Click these links and tell me if you could drown a squirrel.
Hand Fed
Lots of Pictures
Squirrel Skiing

5 Hour Energy

I noticed a lot of advertisements for the 5 hour energy drink during Monday Night Football. I think the first time I saw this was my last semester of college, and I was highly skeptical of it. It looked like a huge scam, and I figured no one would buy it and the company would go out of business. The very next time I saw my girlfriend, she was chugging a bottle down to help her study for finals. A friend of mine owns a gas station, and he says the 5 hour energy shot is his most popular item – so I was a little wrong. My girlfriend said it tasted absolutely horrible but it kept her from falling asleep. Then it made her really hot and really thirsty. She started sweating like crazy, drank a lot of water, and she ended up taking a cold shower.

Anyway. how disappointed is the company that the two athletes they got to endorse the product are Braylon Edwards and Osi Umenyiora? Those are two terrible endorsements. Honestly, how many people even know who Osi Emenyiora is? Sure he was great last year, but he hasn't played at all this year. And Braylon Edwards – everyone who drafted him in fantasy football regrets it, so the 5 hour energy people must be super pissed off. As I watched his commercials I was wondering how many takes it took to get him to say his lines without dropping the bottle.

At least they didn't go with Plaxico.